Only Children

I bet your mind immediately went to a visual of a screaming, kicking child who wasn’t getting his way and was having a “come-apart.”  Right?  Well, this entry isn’t about that, but we will explore the deep complexities associated with folks who are only children.

Hi, my name is Zach.  I am a Tennessee Squire and an only child.  There, I said it.  Some maybe saying “Oh, that explains it!” or “Wow, he is very well adjusted socially to be an only child.”  Put your seat belt on because here comes another revelation – I am an only of two onlies.   Yep – Mom is an only and so is Dad.  No aunts.  No uncles.  No cousins.  Family reunions could be held in a Mini-Cooper.  I give you this background because Momma Squire and I had a discussion the other day concerning kids being at the house that weren’t our offspring.  So, I thought it would be a great public service for me to share some insights into only children and how we think.  Maybe this is worth what you paid for it or maybe it will be a revelation that will help you break through those relationship issues with your only child spouse or it will give you something to read while you are eating lunch.  Bet you thought I was going to say reading while in the bathroom, but (are you really coordinated enough to carry a laptop in there with you? (for typing ease, I will use OC)

Only Child Time - OC’s are used to being by ourselves.  We typically think it is ok to eat alone in a restaurant.  We grew up alone and have grown to like having solitary time.  Most OC’s require a certain amount of alone time each day.  Mine is early in the morning from 5:00 until it is time for the rest of the family to wake up.  This is why we get grumpy on holiday trips or vacations when there are people around us 24/7.  It is also why we will disappear during family events, weddings, etc. and our spouses will find us on the back porch or in the car.

Inappropriate Games – Please think before purchasing a game for an OC.  No, I’m not talking about Halo or Grand Theft Auto.   I am talking about two person games.  I remember receiving Candyland as a present one year – Yes, Mom was a stay-at-home Mom, but really?  Who would sit and play Candyland with me?

I also got a croquet set.  Really?  You think I would set up the hoops, sticks, and then go around the yard banging a ball with a mallet?

I also got Yard Darts (Yarts!) one year.  Use some common sense people and I’m not talking about stabbing myself in the temple with one.  That would be hard for an only child to do.  Wait – maybe.  Yarts could be only for only children; but I would get tired of throwing them and then having to fetch them since no one was there to return them.   Having these multi-player games actually make only children more creative.  We had to figure out how to play them or change the rules so we could enjoy them.

Touching my things – Yes, we have issues with people touching our things.  I really don’t think it has to do with selfishness.  It has to do with location.  If you touch my things or play with my things, it won’t be where it was the next time I want it.  That’s why I don’t let people read my newspaper before I do.  You will probably turn it inside out, get it out of order, or the worse thing – when it is time to read the next session (yes, I have a particular order), you will have that section.  This is where the discussion with Momma Squire centered the other day.  She asked me whether I ever had folks over to spend the night with me when I was a kid.  My response – “No, because they would touch my things.” 

Hopefully these points will help you understand OC’s.  We really aren’t bad – just misunderstood.

Zach, A Tennessee Squire and an Only Child

How Did It Get Around - carrier pigeon?

Talking with my old college roomie about his son getting a car (YIKES!) reminded me of a couple of stories from my youth.

The first involves a brand new Trans Am or Camaro that someone bought from the police department for $500.  The story behind the car was that someone was driving it and it left the road and ended up in a field.  The driver died, but wasn't found for several months.  As a result, there was a smell in the car that wouldn't come out, thus the cheap price.

The second story involved Rod Stewart and having to have his stomach pumped after falling ill during a show.  For decency's sake, I won't mention what was pumped, but safe to say, it wasn't Krystals.

When I left my small town (Waverly) for college, I started meeting people from other areas and states.  Through conversations (how, I don't know), these two stories popped up over time.  Ironically, several people indicated they had heard these stories as well.  While the details may have differed - some indicated it was a Mustang that was wrecked and the amount of "substance" pumped from Mr. Stewart varied from a pint to 2 quarts; the gist of the stories was the same.

So, what is so big about these stories?  Well, for those of you who have always had a cell phone, computer, or access to the Internet, you may assume these stories started in a single location and went viral in the Internet and e-mail worlds, Well, you are wrong.  The only methods of communication we, as teens, had were actual conversations (weird huh), wired telephones hanging on the wall in our parents' kitchen, and letters that were written out and given to the US Postal system to deliver. 

So how did these stories make the rounds?  I seriously doubt anyone wrote about these or called out-of-state friends/family.  These weren't in the Star or National Enquirer rags.  Could there be some margin of truth?  Who knows?

Have any of you heard of these? 

Zach, A Tennessee Squire

It all comes back.....

Saw this story today in the Tennessean and it brought back flood memories - http://www.tennessean.com/article/20100927/NEWS01/9270326/Body-of-Nashville-flood-victim-found-family-says 

I can't imagine what that family has been through.   In case you missed it, here is my take on the May floods:

http://squireponderings.blogspot.com/2010/05/wow-this-might-get-bad.html

Zach, A Tennessee Squire

Serendipity

The ever handy Wikipedia defines serendipity as “propensity for making fortuitous discoveries while looking for something unrelated.” I have always interpreted it as “something cool happening when you aren’t really expecting it.” This happened to me back in May as I was waiting for a flight in D.C. My flight home was scheduled to depart Reagan National at 8:40 a.m., but it actually left @ 12:30. Needless to say, I had some time to kill. Boy, am I glad I did.

I heard an announcement in the concourse to go to a particular gate to welcome the honor flight. What is an honor flight? In short, they are flights that transport World War II vets from across the country to Washington D.C. to tour the WWII memorial. Information about the honor flight can be found at http://www.honorflight.org/.

What a sight. The airport fire department provided a water cannon arch for the plane as it taxied to the gate; the “airplane parkers” used American flags instead of the orange sticks, any military person in the concourse lined up, strangers lined up in the concourse, and the West Point alumni glee club was there to sing those good ole patriotic songs.

As these guys deplaned (challenge you not to think of Fantasy Island), all in the concourse started applauding and the glee club started singing. Some were in wheelchairs, some had walkers, some canes, and some walked without any aid. Everyone single one of them walked or strolled with their head held high and proud.

If someone had said to me, “Come out to the airport today and let’s salute these guys”, I probably would have had something to do; but I can honestly say that I am glad my flight was delayed so I could see this event. Maybe you, too can have a serendipity moment as cool as this.

Zach, A Tennessee Squire

A Tale of Three Zach's, or Zak or Zack

One of my volunteer activities with the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JDRF) is volunteering as a cyber-volunteer with the Online Diabetes Support Team (ODST). Members of the ODST answer questions posed by people via the JDRF website (www.jdrf.org). The questions range from detailed questions about diabetes and school to general about how to cope with a newly diagnosed child.

When my youngest son, Kyle, was diagnosed with Type I diabetes at the age of 18 months old, our world was rocked. There wasn’t an ODST to turn to or an organized outreach effort. Besides JDRF, one of the places I turned to was a website tailored to parents of kids with Type I (www.childrenwithdiabetes.com). One of the features of this site (CwD) is an e-mail group of parents. These e-mails deal with support, gripes, fundraisers, etc. I really don’t get too involved by posting to the group, but I read the e-mails that come across.

Now that you have that background, here is the story. I received an ODST request from a newly diagnosed family in South Africa wondering about online support groups. Since JDRF doesn’t have a chapter in South Africa, I referred the father (Zack - #1) to JDRF’s social networking site – www.juvenation.org. About a week later, I was reading the CwD e-mails and someone indicated that they couldn’t make a fundraiser due to the distance. As I looked at their sign-off, I first noticed they had a son named Zak (#2) and that they were in South Africa. They also were “experienced” Type I parents meaning that their loved one was diagnosed a few years ago. The light bulb went off immediately. I asked them if they would mind if I shared their contact information with the newly diagnosed family. Of course, they said “no problem”; so I did share the contact information. About a week later, I got an e-mail from the newly diagnosed family indicating that contact was made and they were even able to meet at the doctor’s office.

Hard to believe that this Zach (#3), sitting in Kingston Springs, TN could hook up two people in South Africa.

Zach, A Tennessee Squire

Changing the World's Perception - One Person at a Time

Having returned from vacation, I was going through a week’s worth of newspapers and an article caught my eye (http://www.tennessean.com/article/20100701/NEWS01/7010342/Car-stickers-could-help-diabetics-get-help-faster). The headline indicated there were stickers for people with diabetes to place on their cars so medical personnel and police would be aware the driver’s erratic behavior may be related to a low (hypoglycemic) or high (hyperglycemic) blood sugar episode.

Before I even read the article, I realized that I had someone that I needed to educate about the “D” word. Yes, I am talking about “diabetic”. For a long time I have lobbied against the use of this word. In short, labeling someone as a “____ic” assumes that the disease defines or becomes the individual. While diabetes is serious, my son is a boy who has diabetes; it doesn’t have him. For a longer discussion on this, see my blog entry titled “What’s in a Name?” located at
http://squireponderings.blogspot.com/2009/10/whats-in-name.html.

As I continued reading the article, I came across a term in the article that both made me laugh and fume. I quote the writer “Some people aren't aware of the symptoms of a diabetic attack. Victims may be dizzy, confused, nervous, agitated or drowsy. They also could have fruity breath or start to vomit.” My first response was “what the hell is a diabetic attack?” Does it mean that diabetes reaches up and attacks my child or my child labeled as a diabetic goes ballistic and attacks someone? I am being facetious, but that term conjures up images people having fits or something. I would prefer the proper terms of hypo- or hyperglycemic episodes.

I realize that I may be hyper-sensitive and some folks, including diabetes folks, may not agree. However, I view it as another opportunity to educate people about diabetes and the fact that you can’t catch it, there is a difference between Type I and II, my son didn’t develop diabetes because he ate too much sugar, etc.
I dropped an e-mail to the writer expressing my thoughts about her use of “diabetic” and “diabetic attack”. She hasn’t responded. Maybe she brushed me off as a whiner, but at least I tried and hopefully have made you think about it as well.

Zach, A Tennessee Squire

P.S. I was asked to convert the letter I wrote into a blog format and it was posted at a friend's site (http://www.daddybetes.com/2010/07/changing-worlds-perception-one-person.html) as a guest blogger.

"Wow, this might get bad."

These words were uttered while sitting in Buffalo Wild Wings in Hendersonville on Saturday May 1, 2010. Little did I know how prophetic these words would be as a friend & I sat watching TV in between Will’s AAU basketball games. It had been raining hard all day Saturday and I had witnessed several wrecks throughout the day as the rains continued to pour down. We were watching the soggy Kentucky Derby on the large screen while keeping an eye on the local weather on some of the smaller TV’s. There were sporadic thunderstorm warnings flashing across the screen as the local weather folks went into “let’s see how many ways we can show you what a thunderstorm looks like” mode with their state-of-the-art radars, Dopplers, and spotters. There was one image from an interstate traffic camera (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5gYhLKwSp4) that will always be associated with this flood – the sight of a school portable building floating beside the interstate and then slamming into the interstate which was full of stalled vehicles with water almost submerging the cars. At that precise moment I uttered “…wow, this might get bad”. Luckily, the remaining game was cancelled and we headed home. I called a neighbor who told me that one of the two bridges into our section of the Ranchettes had been damaged and the creek by our subdivision was the highest he had ever seen. As I pulled into the driveway, I could hear the creek across the golf course. I normally can’t.

As Sunday dawned, it was still raining and as I checked Facebook, I noticed some friends from my hometown, Waverly, were posting that Main St was flooding due to Trace Creek rising. I saw some pictures of my hometown flooding.

As bad as it was, little did I realize that the flooding in Waverly would literally be a drop in the bucket compared to what South Cheatham would be facing. As the day went on, more & more pictures and stories were posted to Facebook. The picture was becoming very clear that the rain was continuing and Kingston Springs would not be the same when it quit. We went to the golf course by our house to see how high the creek had gotten. We quickly saw that the golf carts that were supposedly on higher ground weren’t high enough. We called some neighbors and we pushed about 15 carts to even higher ground. Pushing golf carts in 3 foot water is very difficult. It got a lot easier when we found that there was a neutral, just not labeled! Here is what the clubhouse looked like on Sunday:

We got word that one of the main roads (yes there is one) in Kingston Springs was flooded at both ends; leaving two large subdivisions essentially on what was called Island 249. Right after that, the cable went out, so we were forced to monitor Facebook mobile. Thank goodness for the Blackberry! In addition to Island 249, Kingston Springs itself was literally an island. With the interstates and Highway 70 closed due to flooding, travel out of our town was severely limited. We didn’t realize how bad it was until the next day when we ventured out a little. Then pictures started coming in:

These are by the City Park over the Harpeth River

 

The next image we saw was a video clip taken by Kyle & Will’s school that slammed home to me how bad this flood was:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVYPnTp-k9g.  This first picture was taken during the flood along the road by the boys’ school that I described earlier about being washed out.

Here are shots after the waters have receded. Note the sections of road that were moved around. The areas where you see people standing is where the three houses once stood.

This last picture is of a house which was moved off its foundation. If you see where the items are sitting in the cleared-off area that is where the house once stood.

The flood not only closed our schools down while the waters were high, it closed them down for the remainder of the year. In our community, the Middle School was being used as a disaster relief shelter and here is our elementary school:

 Here are some interior shots. Look closely and you can see the waterline.

One silver lining is that NBC is producing a makeover show similar to Extreme Home Makeover that focuses on school. They are considering our elementary school to be one of the ones made over.

Well, the flood came, it destroyed, it wasn’t picky about who it impacted, it showed no mercy, and made my town learn a lot about itself. You’ve seen the destruction in pictures above; now let me tell you about how Kingston Springs reacted.

Through Facebook, word went out that if you could make it to our little coffee shop, Red Tree Coffee (http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1644043794), some folks were organizing help for folks impacted by the flood. Immediately, a network of folks planned a response to this flood. The two sisters (Amy & Katie) who run the Red Tree started a list of needs and began matching them with volunteers. All details were covered from feeding the volunteers to childcare for volunteers. My church, Kingston Springs United Methodist, became sack lunch and potluck dinner central serving an estimated 3,500 meals over the course of a week. Leave it to the Methodists to feed folks! A work day was organized for the Saturday after the flood. Additionally, volunteers were working during the week as well helping people gut homes, clean out, haul off rubbish, and feed them. A local TV station came out and did a story on the Red Tree (http://www.wsmv.com/video/23562193/index.html) that sums it up pretty well. Additionally, our middle school was established with as a shelter and supply center where people could come and pick up needed items such as brooms, shovels, food, personal hygiene products, and even pet food. Once again, social media came to the rescue because a Twitter account was set up to send out requests and information. A Tweet would go out for needed items and folks would get the tweet as they were shopping and bring it to the school.

As a town, we didn’t immediately start blaming others nor did we go Detroit and burn cars or loot our businesses. We stood beside each other and helped our neighbors. We met people whom we have seen for years, but never knew. It didn’t matter where you lived or what you did for a career – we just helped. We didn’t whine and immediately hold out our hand and wait for the government to come in and help. As a matter of fact, the Red Cross volunteers said that our town was an example of what to do and that we really didn’t need them. I am glad that we didn’t wait on the government because I lost a lot of faith in our government because of this (not that I had a whole lot to begin with). Some government officials seemed to be more concerned about meeting and posturing than helping. As Momma Squire told a group of them one night who were watching us prepare hot meals to deliver – “if you are gonna be in here, you need to put some gloves on and get to work or leave.” Love that girl!

I saw God a lot over the last couple of weeks. I also saw some folks not doing the right thing – thankfully, God won by a landslide. Below are the times where I personally saw God:

• Wondering how we were going to feed extra volunteers we hadn’t planned for and out of the blue a Nashville restaurant calls and said they had a catering job cancel and wondered if we could use the food.
• The seven year old girl who had lost her home coming into the shelter wanting a toothbrush to give to her Mom for Mother’s Day.
• The kids in our town out volunteering day in and day out. They were pulling drywall, loading cars with supplies, unloading supply trucks, and delivering meals.
• The sight of Kingston Springs Volunteer Corps shirts all over the community on our big volunteer day.
• The sight of our middle school commons area being filled with supplies.
• Hearing my oldest son tell Momma Squire that he knew he needed to mow the neighbor’s yard, but he just couldn’t when there was volunteer work to be done for people who had lost everything.
• Being in the coffee shop when a group of volunteers came in and said they were from Ohio and wanted to help. They said they got in the car and prayed on where to go and God led them to Kingston Springs and the Red Tree. They showed up with trucks, tools, and trailers and immediately went to work. Ironically, they own a coffee shop in Ohio.
• Delivering meals and supplies to people who had damage, but was told to give it to someone who needed it more.
• And finally, I saw God in everyone who helped their neighbor after this disaster.

Well, I know this is long, but if you want more information on how to help, more pictures, more videos, or see other stories, here are some links for you:

• Flood pictures from our local paper (http://www.scadvocate.com/flood.html)
• http://www.youtube.com/ (search Kingston Springs Flood)
• Facebook (Red Tree Coffee or Zach Clayton)
• Website set up for information clearing (http://www.southcheatham.com/)

Proud to be from Kingston Springs, TN

Zach, A Tennessee Squire